Change in attitude

I should never had said that Levi has been sleeping so well...because ever since then he's been up either before 6am or babbling throughout the night and up early.  Who knows why?  I sure wish I could figure him out.  But the last few days I've had a small change in attitude towards the sleep and about Levi's need to be socialized all the time (maybe less about the sleep!).  Brad went in for "population control" on Friday.  Poor guy...I feel really bad!  But it's a necessary evil...I deliver the babies and he stops the deliveries.  So now unless something stupid or miraculous happens, our family is complete.

We always knew this is what we wanted and I by no means have changed my mind...but it makes me think more about Levi being the baby and how I already am yearning for him to be older.  Suddenly I'm wanting him to be a baby longer, knowing that this will be our last baby.  Every first that he has will be our last first, the clothes and toys he grows out of will never be worn again in our house...it is kind of sad.  But then I think of all the things like sleep deprivation, bottle feedings, potty training...and pregnancy...so the sadness disappears pretty quickly and I'm pretty darn excited to look forward to the boys growing up.  I look forward to the boys learning new things, becoming more independent, going to school (so that I can also be more independent again) and facing all the ups and downs of life.  And all I want is to be there for them for all those times.  I'd have to say I look forward to the next stages of life much more than I have the past stages.  So here we go...

Benjamin, our comedian

Benjamin's favorite things lately is playing "hide and seek"...at least his version of it.  He uses his favorite blanket which he carts around everywhere.  He finds it so incredibly funny...so we do too.  He thinks he's quite the comedian!

ah...sleep

Oh Sleep how I've missed you!  Finally we have got Levi to sleep longer in the morning!  It's amazing how rested you can feel in the morning with uninterrupted sleep throughout the night.  I am very anal when it comes to the boys sleeping.  Ben was very easy to schedule, but this little Levi has been a different story!  Now that he's close to 6 months old we are getting into a groove.  And am I ever happy!  People always say that if you get up early for a long period of time your body adjusts and you no longer can sleep in...I don't think this applies to me.  I would have no problem sleeping in till 10am, even after 2 years of getting up before 8am.  I don't think I'll ever be a morning person...thankfully Brad is!  At least that's the excuse I give myself to make him get up in the morning instead of me:) Now here's hoping this trend continues! 

Apology

So I've calmed down from yesterday...the vent did help.  But now that the next day is here I feel bad...not for how I felt but rather for taking it seriously.  I should have learned by now to pretty much lie about everything...and all should be okay. We have healthy, non-delayed boys and a parent should be the judge of their child's development, not someone who walks in for a 10 minute visit.  I also don't want to rat on just one person...yesterday was one nurse but it's a generalization of all my experiences throughout the past 2 years...I don't have many good ones to talk about.  I hope other people have better experiences than we've had!

Needing to Vent

I had commented on Facebook about my hatred for public health...hatred may be a strong word, but right now it's the only word that I can think of that describes how I feel.  I can not name one single time when I visited public health for our boys that I came out thinking "Wow, I'm doing a great job!" or "Wow, my kids are doing great!"...rather I always leave feeling like I am failing my children or that they are lagging compared to other children.  But as I compare stories with other parents I realize that I'm not alone in how I feel.

I dread seeing public health!  And not because of the boys getting needles...that's the easy part.  It's the feeling of despair as I leave and think over all that I was told I was doing wrong.  Today, I was told Levi wasn't getting enough tummy time (which they are always going to say), he should be wearing little mitts because he is going to have skin breakdown on his hands because he sucks on them, he's delayed because he isn't rolling over from his back to his belly and the list could go on if I want to complain more.  But when she pulled out the nursing theory jargon and told me the reason he wants to be held all the time is because he's in the stage of "trust vs. mistrust"...come on...he just likes to be held!  And imagine if I had admitted to her that I had started solids already...I lied and told her no.  Especially when they ask the question denoting the way you should answer..."you haven't started solids have you?"

I know I'll get over this just like I have every other time...only 2 more times to go!  So that's my rant...just needed to get my frustration out.  I hope as a nurse I never come across as condescending and judgmental about the way my patients go about life...it really makes me consider how I treat my own patients.  Hopefully they don't "hate" me as I leave their room.

Cross Country Re-do

On Saturday we were able to again go back to Eb's Trail (near Prince Albert) for a cross country ski.  We dropped the kids off at Grandma and Grandpa Zacharias'...and headed out.  It was a beautiful day...not too cold and a light falling of snow.  Eb's Trail was one of the first things that Brad and I did together before we were dating.  I found out that he cross country skied so I promptly decided that I needed to get myself some skis.  So a girl at work sold me a pair of skis...very old skis.  I took them to get prepared for skiing and then snuck it in with Brad that I had cross country skis and that we should maybe sometime go out for a ski.  So out we went to Eb's Trail in January 2007.  I really wanted to impress Brad, but it turned out rather differently...I think he laughed at me more than he was impressed.  The first run we did went pretty good...the next not so good.  The first trail had lots of hills so I had lots of momentum and didn't have to "ski" much...the second trail was more one level ground which I found to be rather difficult for some reason.  Brad kept skiing into the back of my skis because I wasn't moving that quickly.  I was so embarrassed!  I later found out that my skis had never been waxed, rather they had been pine tarred!  No wonder I couldn't glide!  I guess it didn't matter too much...I still got the guy.

So Saturday was the only time we've been back to Eb's...and it turned out much better!  First of all I bought new skis after that dreadful skiing event...and I didn't have to impress him this time.  The afternoon was wonderful.  We don't get outside much these days and when we do it's usually dragging two boys around, it's not too relaxing. Anyways...what a nice little break!  Thanks mom for looking after the boys!

Our 2nd Jumper

Benjamin loved the jolly jumper...so much that he was maybe in it too much.  Maybe that was why he was so late in crawling and walking...because he spent so much time jumping.  Now we have another jumper!  We bought a jumperoo for Levi because our new house doesn't have a place yet for the doorframe jolly jumper and he finally has figured out how to move in it.  He doesn't spend as much time as Benjamin did in it, at least not yet...we are hopeful!  We are trying to get Levi used to not being held, but it's a hard process.  Especially because his cry is quite high-pitched and screechy...and he is just too cute and smiley when you are holding him.  He is going on with his screeches right now, so maybe I should pick him up?

Our New Home

I finally got to taking some pictures of our new home.  It's taken us a long time to get moved in and it's still a work in progress.  I'm finding moving in a lot more work than moving out because the "time crunch" isn't the same as when we moved out.  But I can tell that we are getting there because the itch to paint is very quickly creeping up on me!  I don't mind how things are now...but it just feels like we are living in a dull colorless world...so that will have to change!  Here are some pictures of our main floor living area.

 The den

 The dining room

 The kitchen

 The living room (toward the front porch)

 The living room (toward dining room)

We thought it would be a big adjustment moving out of the city, but it has been such a smooth transition.  It hasn't been boring to the least...rather it is peaceful and we have less of an urge to always be doing something...it's really nice!  We are looking forward to spring and summer to be able to get outdoors more (and Brad is looking forward to the snow stopping so the shoveling will be done!).  We have lots of room for company too!

My Day Away

Yesterday was my first whole day away from the kids since Levi's been with us...and it was a long time coming.  I realize that it is all my fault that I don't get away...it's really hard to do.  But as I left early yesterday morning, I felt this sense of release and relaxation...wow!  I went to a hematology conference, so it wasn't like I necessarily had a "fun" day but I think it was one of the best conferences I've ever been to...probably because I haven't been at work in a long time and it was just nice to feel like a professional instead of a mom, even if just for a little while.

There was a session on "nurse burn-out" and it was funny how it applied to my life right now as a parent rather than to my nursing career.  I realized on how quickly parenting can burn you out if you don't take care of yourself also. And absence really does make the heart grow fonder.  After my day away I was more than ready to get back to my boys...and felt refreshed to start again.  And was more than happy for the boys to sleep in today as a little gift just for me:)

Blogging again...

So we are trying to blog again...mostly for ourselves...but if you want to read it's for you too.  We want some way to remember the day-to-day things and thoughts that run throughout of our lives.  I (Vivian) am not good at journalling, so maybe this will work better.

Life in the Sheppard household is busy, but pretty darn good!  We've moved and are so happy with our quick decision to move out of the city.  We have a lot more room in our house...which makes more room for Benjamin to roam (and get into things!).  I find he is much more entertained so that is a blessing.  Ben is going to be 21 1/2 months and is growing up so quickly into a little boy, with much personality.  He is a blast to have around...most of the time...he is definitely a curious and busy boy!

Levi is 5 months old already, but it feels like it has been a long 5 months.  He is a very different baby than Benjamin was.  He is very social and always wants to be around people and always wants to be held...it's been quite challenging.  I'm hoping once he is sitting and able to move around a little it will improve...we'll see. But he loves to smile and giggle, which gives us such joy!

Ben and Levi seem to get along great...at least at the moment.  Benjamin really wants him to play...usually this ends in Ben crawling right on top of him and Levi with head to toe grins...it's quite adorable to watch.  They are a lot of work...but so many blessings!